FOR THE FIRST 24 HOURS, PLEASE ONLY RSVP IF YOU ARE SELF-ISOLATING OR QUARANTINED
“All right children, who wants to hear a story? A tale of romance, of love even, of brave heroes, people making terrible decisions, and loathsome, wicked villains who would try to give you oatmeal raisin cookies and pass them off as chocolate chip? Who wants to hear about a man who realized his childhood dream of making even explosions explode, of women with powers so great that they could harness the elements themselves? A tale of avenging children, of hubris, of those with the most power and wealth among us being brought low by a man who often wielded two guns at the same time but could not bend over to tie his shoes?”
“No one? Seriously? Get the !@#$ out of here, you useless little !@#$%&, you !@#$%&&%$#@! unarmed !@#$% who won’t even buy a gun from your !@#$%&* uncle! Go! Get out of my office! No stories for you today! Not until you can tell me what a Pangolin is!!!”
Look, this game is hot !@#$%&*! and likely to be a complete mess. Borderlands? In Pasión de las Pasiones?!?!? What the !@#$ is wrong with you?!!? WHY WOULD YOU DO THAT?!?!?
Answer: Because I can. Isn’t that how most awful things start before they plummet off a cliff and become a cautionary tale for the rest of history?
So you have two choices. You can strap on a skag-head codpiece, grab your favorite arsenal of guns, and pretend to drink whatever dubiously distilled alcohol you can find to prepare yourself for this, or you can miss a front-row seat at what already feels like the worst idea I ever had after midnight (protip: Hot Pockets and mogwai don’t mix after the clock turns over).
One slot is held for Jim Crocker, who has promised to wear a psycho mask for the duration of both sessions. (See? If you DON’T RSVP, you’re going to miss THAT and if you want to miss Jim in a psycho mask, then - as my kid once said about Justin Bieber - no book can detail all the things wrong with you.) Another slot is reserved for an off-Gauntlet player who I mentioned Pasiones to in passing and wants in, even after I pointed out that this won’t be a traditional Pasiones game, that it is likely to be a train wreck, that it’s probably going to be a disaster, etc.
As such, I’ll go ahead and run this with 5 people.
Attendance at both sessions is preferred but not mandatory, we’ll be using Lines & Veils, X-Card, Script Change, etc., but keep in mind that Borderlands is a game in which the best explosives expert on a planet is a young girl, that skidding over skags is considered not just appropriate but a valuable community service, and that EVERYONE seems to be carrying four guns at all times. SA, as always, is off the table, but this is likely to be a game which is comically violent, in which people explode, in which other people beg to be shot in the face, and getting exploded into little meaty bits that baby skags can eat is just another day on Pandora. It will be, in short, gonzo.
(And yes, I already apologized to Brandon Leon-Gambetta for this. Related: GO BACK THE KICKSTARTER NOW: https://www.kickstarter.com/projects/bleongambetta/pasion-de-las-pasiones)