I’m going to sort of reiterate what I said in the linked thread.
It seems to me that most of the posters here, while well-meaning, are overly framing this issue from a aggressor-victim point of view, which is rather common in safety-culture circles. While there are cases where there is an aggressor (a malicious actor) and a victim, at this point we’re not talking about issues related to gaming safety, but just of social interaction. These issues are important, but don’t happen at the same level: I assume that a functional gaming group already doesn’t want to hurt each other and that anything that may happen of the sort is accidental and unwanted. If a person approaches the gaming group with a malicious intent (conscious or not), then I hope we can agree it’s an entirely different problem than what we’re talking about.
Inadvertently hurting someone is something that is itself hurtful to the person doing it, can generate the same type of response (silence or violence) and can carry the same feelings of shame and guilt that bottle up over time if unaddressed and eventually turn into resentment. “Being hurt” is something that can – not often, but it happens – as well be weaponized to cause this type of hurt and social shaming.
I don’t think anything of this kind can be approached without an attempt at seeing the entire thing as a miscommunication error between two people that need to be somewhat made to reconcile to heal as a unit. The only way to deal with this is having a social culture where it’s OK to feel hurt, but it’s also OK to say what comes to mind and potentially hurt people as long as one is willing to learn after stumbling. I don’t buy the ‘impact not intent’ mindset. This activity is inherently unsafe, as all creative endeavors.
As a diagnosed neurodivergent person – I really wish that I wouldn’t have to frame it like this, however it does probably strengthen my point to this crowd – my ability to read social cues, notice when others are hurt, and all of the other skills that you all are describing as necessary things, are difficult or in some cases impossible. I don’t want to make people feel bad, and if I do and I’m put into a spot, past feelings of shame and trauma come back – I’m working on reacting better as time goes on, but this is the reality of things. Saying “suck it up, it’s not about you” is completely unhelpful.
Every time I read something like what some posters have said in this thread, I just feel I should just stop roleplaying and never come back, as it’s obviously becoming a social minefield impossible for me to navigate, people don’t care about issues that are visually invisible and not trendy to talk about, I’m not going to go around with a hat saying “please forgive me, I have X”, and I have better things to do than to submit to this type of anxiety.
Kind regards everybody.